Cocaine Mitch McConnell – Official Cocaine Mitch T-Shirt

Shop now: Cocaine Mitch McConnell 

Our senior senator, who is well-known for his uproarious sense of humor, has apparently decided to take the “Cocaine Mitch” appellation and turn it into both a laugh and a fund-raising opportunity.

Senator Mitch McConnell has been called “Cocaine Mitch” by some of his detractors due to a story about cocaine being found on a ship called the Ping May. That ship is one of many that make up the Foremost Shipping Company, which is owned by James S.C. Chao, the father of McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao.

The cocaine was found while the ship was in a port in the country of Columbia. No one was charged, and as pointed out by the Washington Post fact-checkers, the amount of cocaine, while valuable, would be easy to hide in a ship that large.

So, as you can see, the whole “Mitch McConnell is tied to cocaine smuggling” story is just sensationalism gone wild, and the Senator himself is further away from the cocaine than he probably is from Kevin Bacon. (Link for anyone who doesn’t get the reference.)

If I’m Mitch McConnell, I just ignore the story whenever it gets peddled.

What I DON’T do, though, is try to make a joke out of it. Not when I represent a state that has been devastated by the opioid epidemic.

And I sure as hell don’t try to make money off joking about cocaine. For anyone who has dealt with addiction, and especially for anyone who has lost loved ones to the epidemic, cocaine just isn’t funny.

But, apparently Mitch thinks it is funny … and a good way to raise money for his re-election campaign.

Cocaine Mitch Classic T-Shirt - Cocaine Mitch Mitch McConnell Tee Shirt

Cocaine Mitch Classic T-Shirt – Cocaine Mitch Mitch McConnell Tee Shirt

Behold, the Cocaine Mitch t-shirt, straight from the campaign store, yours for only $35 – or you can buy it for more, if you want to donate more. Remember, you can’t pay more than $2,800 for the shirt during the primary, but you can get a second shirt for another $2,800 in the general.

And of course, not only does it have the silhouette of our dear senator, it also invites everyone to become a “Cartel Member”! Yeah boy, those people in South America who live with cartel violence all around them surely will find this shirt just a riot.

Look, I get it – when it comes to listing the actions of Senator McConnell that are offensive, or immoral, or cynical, or destructive, this shirt thing is going to be way, way down the list.

But when your home state is facing an addiction epidemic that is destroying lives every day, doing political fund-raising off cocaine is so tone-deaf and stupid that you wonder who in their right mind okayed this. Who thought this was funny? Who thought this was a good idea? Senator McConnell, do you have some intern running your campaign store?

McConnell has deservedly gotten blowback about this little clothing item. In fact, a Trump advisor, Lynne Patton, has publicly called out the senator, saying “as somebody who has personally struggled with cocaine addiction, I don’t think that that is funny or appropriate.”

I suspect that I am one of the last persons Mitch McConnell would ever take advice from, but I’m going to put this out there anyway:

Senator, call up your campaign folks and tell them to pull the shirt. Then, offer an apology to the many Kentuckians who are dealing with the impact of cocaine on their lives, and who don’t think it is funny at all. Not a “I’m sorry if you are offended” no-pology, but a real “we screwed up” one.

Unless, of course, you actually DO think cocaine is funny. In that case, just sit back and watch the money roll in.

I guess your actions will tell us how much the troubles of your state really bother you … and whether those troubles are more important to you than campaign cash.

‘Cocaine Mitch’ Swag Buys Years More Marijuana Prohibition

'Cocaine Mitch' Swag Buys Years More Marijuana Prohibition
‘Cocaine Mitch’ Swag Buys Years More Marijuana Prohibition

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has been plastered all over the news over the past week due to his latest scheme to raise campaign funds by peddling a t-shirt for his fans playing off the nickname “Cocaine Mitch.” For the most part, anti-drug advocates are outraged that McConnell would dare use a reference to hard drugs as a means for securing the kind of money needed to help him clinch the 2020 election. They are especially miffed since the United States is in the midst of one of the most devastating drug epidemics in all of history.

But what they have failed to take into account is that this is American politics, dagnabbit, and as always, it is anything goes when it comes to keeping the swamp monsters of D.C. in control for all of eternity.

It seems that someone in McConnell’s camp has convinced him to capitalize on the hard-hitting alias he was given over a year ago. That’s when Republican Senate candidate Don Blankenship ran a slaughter campaign against McConnell, referring to him as “Cocaine Mitch” in a series of advertisements.

The slam was intended to open old wounds from that time back in 2014 when the Columbian Coast Guard discovered nearly ninety pounds of cocaine aboard a cargo vessel owned by a company operated by McConnell’s in-laws. It was a huge story when it broke, and, as you might imagine, it earned McConnell a significant amount of less-than-flattering press. Some media outlets suggested the Senator may actually have connections to black market drug operations, while others went as far as refer to him as Keyser Söze. I may have had a hand in both of those if I’m being frank.

The red t-shirt that McConnell’s team is selling ($35 at, which shows the image of a faceless man with what appears to be cocaine sprinkled all around him, also struck a nerve with drug warriors because it suggests that financial supporters are part of his cartel. Seriously, the back of the shirt reads “Team Mitch” near the neckline and underneath it in bold letters are the words “Cartel Member.”